Steve Harvey: I don’t have female friends

In a CNN interview, comedian Steve Harvey implies that friendship between the sexes fail when expectations are unmet. Thus, one can conversely conclude the chances of a successful one are higher with effective communication of intent. The premise of his argument holds strongly for the society he lives in. When American men have an object of interest, they tend to keep things extremely casual to the point where she views him as a friend rather than potential partner. This silence undermines an essential ingredient for successful friendships: honesty.

In societies where courtship rarely precedes physical intimacy and female chastity is not valued, men have zero opportunity cost in hiding his intentions behind the guise of friendship. If living in a place where grinding on a stranger is treated with the same indifference as a handshake, he is probably under the impression that the odds of getting laid without rejection, putting in work, or commitment are in his favor. Sure he can court her, but he can also “get lucky” just by casually being in the right place at the right time. Mainstream media certainly gives this impression.

In cultures where casual physical contact is frowned upon, the rules of the game change drastically. Because it is experienced in context of a committed relationship, silent male friends rethink their desires. If still willing to commit, he is expected to court her like a lady deserves to be. Not doing so is perceived to be a sign of great disrespect and decreases his odds of success. If a man simply wants a casual fling, silently waiting around for female friends is fruitless if the local women do not easily put out. In this situation, he is forced to aggressively pursue it elsewhere-either with tourists, prostitutes or women with a reputation.

A strong example of this kind of environment can be found in Catholic Southern European countries (Spain, Portugal and Italy). The concept of sex for sport, or devotion of time and resources into someone for the sake of a few nights is not as accepted. So much so that the phenomenon of hard-to-get local women is documented in PUA and Game blogs/forums. Player-wannabes frequently complain about them and advise others to stay away. While not great for budding Casanovas, it makes maintaining friendships easier.

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