A Ukrainian grandmother’s advice: Making the perfect cabbage rolls

Here is a traditional recipe that tastes delicious given to me by a Ukrainian matriarch that to this day provides inspiration to the women around her. Growing up under the Soviet regime, she was not only renowned for her beauty, but also one the most progressive people of her time. She was the first woman in her city to drive a car, actively criticized the corruption of the Soviet regime and organized underground groups devoted to sharing and maintaining the Ukrainian language and culture. Such a courageous woman was known by her granddaughter (who is now my spiritual sister) as a gentle and caring grandmother well instructed in the feminine arts.

Ingredients

Cabbage

1 whole, large cabbage

1 tablespoon of sugar

1 tablespoon of salt

Stuffing

1 large onion, diced (or 2 medium onions)

2-3 large carrots, grated

1 cup rice, cooked in 1.5 cups of water and salt

1 lb of desired meat

salt, pepper and dill (optional) to taste.

Sauce

1 can of condensed tomato soup dissolved in water

Preparing the cabbage

1. In a large pot of water, add the sugar, salt and cabbage and heat up the water. Make sure the cabbage is almost submerged to make it easier.

2. The point of this exercise is to soften the leaves enough so that you can roll them without breaking. They shouldn’t be too soft, though, otherwise they will break too easily. Using tongs, pull off the outer layer of leaves as they become soft. They should come off very easily without much effort! When there are no more soft leaves, cover the pot and while keeping the stove on, let it steam for 5-10 minutes.

3. As the cabbage steams, the outer leaves will become soft. You will need to remove the outer leaves to allow the inner ones to soften. This can be done with a large fork and knife. Set aside the steamed leaves aside and repeat step 2 until you can finished removing the leaves of the entire cabbage.

The stuffing

1. Put the rice, salt and water into a saucepan. Cover it, and while on low heat, allow the rice to partially cook until all the water is evaporated. The rice will continue the rest of the cooking process while in the oven as yummy cabbage roll stuffing!

2. In a frying pan with a generous amount of cooking oil or butter, fry the onions until soft and translucent. Add them to a large mixing bowl, and then fry the carrots.

3. In the large mixing bowl, add the carrots and as much of the oil drippings as possible.

4. Add the ground meat, cooked rice, salt and pepper to taste, and mix with a wooden spoon.

Making the Rolls

Because a picture is a thousand words, and a video is hundreds of pictures strung together…here is a Youtube video describing this process. Start from 4:08 in it:

Now the fun part!

1. In a casserole dish, line the bottom and sides with the cabbage leaves you did not use for the rolling.

2. Pack the cabbage rolls as tightly as possible together. This will prevent them from coming undone during the cooking process.

3. Take the condensed tomato soup dissolved in water and pour into the casserole dish until it is about 2/3 full. Cover the cabbage rolls with more remaining leaves (or foil if there was not enough). The point is to have them covered so that they do not burn before the rice finishes cooking.

4. Put into the over heated at 250 degree Farenheit for 45 minutes to an hour until the liquid has been absorbed and the rolls look translucent.

And voila! Grandmother style cabbage rolls.

Steve Harvey: I don’t have female friends

In a CNN interview, comedian Steve Harvey implies that friendship between the sexes fail when expectations are unmet. Thus, one can conversely conclude the chances of a successful one are higher with effective communication of intent. The premise of his argument holds strongly for the society he lives in. When American men have an object of interest, they tend to keep things extremely casual to the point where she views him as a friend rather than potential partner. This silence undermines an essential ingredient for successful friendships: honesty.

In societies where courtship rarely precedes physical intimacy and female chastity is not valued, men have zero opportunity cost in hiding his intentions behind the guise of friendship. If living in a place where grinding on a stranger is treated with the same indifference as a handshake, he is probably under the impression that the odds of getting laid without rejection, putting in work, or commitment are in his favor. Sure he can court her, but he can also “get lucky” just by casually being in the right place at the right time. Mainstream media certainly gives this impression.

In cultures where casual physical contact is frowned upon, the rules of the game change drastically. Because it is experienced in context of a committed relationship, silent male friends rethink their desires. If still willing to commit, he is expected to court her like a lady deserves to be. Not doing so is perceived to be a sign of great disrespect and decreases his odds of success. If a man simply wants a casual fling, silently waiting around for female friends is fruitless if the local women do not easily put out. In this situation, he is forced to aggressively pursue it elsewhere-either with tourists, prostitutes or women with a reputation.

A strong example of this kind of environment can be found in Catholic Southern European countries (Spain, Portugal and Italy). The concept of sex for sport, or devotion of time and resources into someone for the sake of a few nights is not as accepted. So much so that the phenomenon of hard-to-get local women is documented in PUA and Game blogs/forums. Player-wannabes frequently complain about them and advise others to stay away. While not great for budding Casanovas, it makes maintaining friendships easier.

100 Day Challenge: Is the law of attraction real?

Day 1

On this very day of February the 7th 2011, I have made the firm decision to discover what my true passion in life is. With the thoughts that form the turbulent emotional landscape in my mind, I wish to reconstruct them in such a way that my conscious mind will be in tune with the subconscious enough to know what path to take. During this reconstruction, it is my intention to transform into a more feminine, decisive and wise woman that treats others with kindness and compassion. Part of becoming this person means discovering a career path that brings satisfaction and allows me to help people in a positive way on a daily basis.

At the end of the 100 days, I hope to have accomplished the following:

1) Discover my passion and purpose in life while becoming a more evolved person with the qualities listed in the first paragraph.

Everything that is done everyday, along with every thought will be done with the intention to attract and possess these three things. Years of failure have proven that my method of operation is ultimately not the correct one to use.

Praying and the Law of Attraction

Whether it was an argument with a friend or a rude encounter with a stranger, my grandmother would patiently listen to my story and then consistently solicit the same piece of advice: Pray to God so that he may bless your friend.

As a child, it never ceased to perplex me. Why do such a loving thing in silence when the thirst for revenge was so bitter in my throat? Yet, I would reluctantly do so and as the years passed the reluctance evolved into genuine desire for the “enemy” to know love, happiness and compassion.

And then a strange thing began to happen.

Everything I asked to enter the lives of my enemies began to increase into mine! Regardless of career, romance or academics…deep and enriching relationships with loving and loyal friends were not only absolutely consistent but would multiply in proportion to the overall quality of my thoughts. By locking my conscious mind onto a more positive view of even the worst of people, my life became absent of enemies, and full of helpful and blessed friends.

Although the cognitive influence behind the quality of my life has always seemed like common sense, it was only until the past summer that I connected it to the law of of attraction.

And that moment arrived thanks to a package of scallops.

In the summer of 2010, this humble author was working at a low-paying internship in an expensive city. Being an amateur culinary artist, I couldn’t invest as much into the spices and cuts of meat needed for special dishes. So instead, I would allow myself to browse the colorful isles of Whole Foods and fantasize about preparing those expensive, imported foods.

Being someone with stubbornly expensive taste, the seafood section always had a magnetic pull towards me. Everyday after work, I would march into the store and- like a hungry child at a candy store- stare at those magnificent meats. Thoughts would race through my mind.

How would a French chef serve this to his customers?

Would there be butter and white wine involved?

Or a simple marinade of salt and garlic with parsley garnish?

What is the secret to making them succulent and tender in texture?

Daily thoughts normally contained inside the Whole Foods store eventually leaked into my professional life. It was only a matter of time before they dangled themselves in front of me while slaving away at a computer screen. The thoughts then evolved into a burning desire. By the end of the summer, I not only craved scallops but believed with my heart and soul that somewhere out there, some were waiting for me.

One day after having had had a particularly stressful afternoon at work, I was yet again browsing those isles and decided to purchase for myself some fruits that were on sale. The seafood section was there, as beautiful and appetizing as always.

But it would have to wait for another point in time. God, I would love to have some right now all the same. I know it’s not much, but I have been a patient and good person. I need some sign that you are listening to me.

No response. Of course.

I sighed in resignation and marched to the check out counter, paid for my peaches and walked home. The scallops may have been too expensive, but it was no reason to not enjoy the simple pleasure of a stroll through the park on a beautiful sunny day. On the way home I sung, skipped and smiled like a little girl to in hopes of putting the day behind me.

Later, while in the kitchen, I began unpacking my bag. Everything appeared to be there, but while picking up the bag to throw it away something made me stop in my tracks.

It was not empty! The grocery boy must have put them there by accident. Cautiously, I put it back on the counter and peered inside. Sitting there was a small white package all neatly wrapped and labelled, weighing about half a pound.

Fresh Scallops.

In that moment, all those Tony Robbin and Bob Proctor tapes began to make sense. If I could attract something as simple as fruits of the sea through the power of mind, surely there must be more.

And it had all started with a simple prayer years ago.

What Grandma Teaches

In the next three months I will be officially entering into my mid-to-late twenties. At this age, both of my parents had already completed graduate degrees, were married, and starting their exciting careers in the foreign service and clinical psychological. In many ways, they were a sort of A-Team, ready to take on whatever challenge life threw them. Not too much time later, they would have two children.

How did they do it?…

One day, I asked my grandmother this question. Despite spending more years on this earth than me, she would not answer. Her warm smile and gentle hug reasserted how much of a child she perceived me to be. It was done much in the same way that an adult responds to a five-year-old asking for the guidebook to drive Daddy’s car. Except that in her youth, such a thing belonged only to the politically favored few of a corrupt and fascist country.

Was this the dream her generation had hoped for their grandchildren? Immigrating to the United States at a late age, they sacrificed the comforts of an upper-middle class home across the Atlantic in hopes that their children would benefit from living in a freer society with more economic opportunity-and in the process prosper more than they could back at the mothership.

My generation in contrast is materialistically and economically better off than perhaps beyond the elderly’s wildest dreams. And yet, I can not help but notice that something is missing in our collective conscious. Grandma at my age was gracefully undertaking more responsibilities than any of us could dream of-and while hair, makeup and clothing are impeccably kept. She was a feminine goddess, capable of facing the worst humanity had to offer without complaints and immense stoic fortitude. The whining, spoiled teenagers of modern society simply would not have stood a chance next to her. Although our parents have opened the doors for more education, food and toys than ever before, her inner strength, humility and common sense are nowhere to be seen.

Where have we gone wrong? And how can we bring back this once common knowledge on how to manage everyday life?

Through this blog, I hope to answer these questions on what has become a personal quest to emulate these successful women after years of being rudderless- with a little help from the family matriarch.